just two things more

I was feeling a bit cranky earlier today when I got to work and decided I'd had enough of the cold office I sometimes work out of.

During the summer, I called the heating/air conditioning guys because there was no--none--not one bit--of a breeze through the office and I thought I might just die of heat stroke.

They came in, climbed up on their ladders and moved some of the ceiling tiles and looked inside the ceiling, declaring that the fans weren't working. Ya' think?

They said they'd put in a work order and get the nasty fans fixed and then they decided it would be good to leave one of the ceiling tiles pushed to one side to improve air flow in the room.

To that I say, whatever.

Today, I decided I'd had enough of that ceiling tile sitting there askew, allowing cold air to fall into the room on me. So I climbed up on a chair--no, not a rolly chair, I'm not stupid--just a regular chair, and then I started maneuvering that ceiling tile back into its place in the grid.

You know, installing ceiling tile looks so easy on TV on all of the home improvement shows and also looked so easy when the menfolk in my house installed those tiles in my basement ceiling. I mean, how hard could it be, right?

I slid it around and moved it around and after, geez, I don't know, three minutes, thought I had it just right. And then I turned around on that chair and realized the other end was still hung up on the wires that hold the grid up.

So I started sliding it and moving it and jiggling it and just as I thought I had it right on both ends--it fell.

On me, the chair, my rolly chair, my purse, my bookbag, the desk, and my salad and fork, causing the salad and fork to fly across my purse and bookbag and the desk, flinging my salad and its dressing everywhere, and covering everything with a layer of bits of ceiling tile as well as what must have been several years of ceiling tile dust and a fine powdery grit.

Two good things to report: I did not fall off of the chair, and the ceiling tile didn't break.

So I climbed back up onto that chair and I shoved that tile up into the grid and that's where I left it, somewhat askew, but I think I won that round, right?

~~~

Oh, the other thing--check out these girls who came for a visit last night:

yes, she's sitting on the counter watching TV and can't look at me...

These faces can cheer up a person.

what can you do really?

What can you do when you're just skipping or roller skating down the sidewalk, minding your own business and then next thing you know, you've hit that uneven patch and you go down faster than you thought possible?

Or when you're wrestling with your older brother while waiting in the car for your mom to come out of the store and without any warning the wind is somehow knocked out of you and you're left gasping for air?

Or when stuff happens that really isn't your business to tell the world, but this thing sucks and that things sucks and the only thing you can tell others is about how you failed, no, cosmically failed your calculus test, as in the worst test score of your educational life.

And the falling and gasping and failing were all in the same day.

What can you do really? Like, nothing. Except maybe study for the next test. And bandage up the scraped knee and wait for that fish out of water feeling to go away so you can begin to breath again. And hope for the best. Whatever that is.

two pictures you should see

This one is from Stu's birthday. Jr took it.

When I decided to quit the drugs a month or so ago, my doctor suggested I up the exercise and spend time in the sunshine, which, if you live around here you'll know, is not easy in November and December. But this morning, when I went out on the deck with the dogs, it was sunny--shining through the fog from my dryer, but still gloriously mind, body, and soul-warming sunny.

maybe a little manic

I am feeling so good right now. Like, physically, emotionally, schoolishly good. Not over the top, out of control good. Just right good.

For example.

Today, Jack and I paid a few bills together, went out for pancakes (or in this instance, banana bread and/or cinnamon roll french toast), and then stopped at the distant Kohl's where we picked up tights for the girls, one pair of jammies to replace a nightgown that was canceled in my online order, two tablecloths, and a pair of slippers. And I nearly got out of that store without buying another thing or two for the girls. I had $70 in Kohl's cash and I spent only $35. I think the receipt said I saved $205 or something like that. Even Jack was impressed.

And speaking of shopping and all that, in what has to be a new record for me, I have completed at least half of my Christmas shopping already. I'd probably be done, but Jack wants to participate in the process--Amazon, here we come--so we're still making final decisions, but seriously, it's only December 4, who would have thought?

After we got home, I sat down and worked through my labor econ final, after completing and submitting the final three assignments last night, which was after submitting two other assignments shortly after submitting and then revising and resubmitting a research paper for that class. What have I learned from all of my labor economics studies this semester? Probably I'm too old for school to pay off in economic terms. As interesting as it was, that class kinda took the fun out of school for me--the learning just to be learning part. It was a lot of effort and I expect I'll get an A, but it was one of those classes where I have a hard time believing that all of the kids put in as much effort as this old gal did, and I wonder how did I get to this age without knowing all of this stuff?

After the econ final and nearly forgotten remaining three discussion posts were submitted, I turned my attention to laundry and dishes and kitty litter boxes (mine, not my mom's), and bathroom cleaning and garbage removal and floor mopping. And we had some of the leftover bowtie lasagna that Jessie recommended on facebook earlier this week. It was easy and yummy, even on the second day.

And after all of that, Jr and Martha invited me to join them in some of the just dance antics in the basement. For at least an hour, we worked it. And I kicked some trash on several tunes I'd never heard before and did some moves that I will probably regret in another hour when I try to stand up to go to bed. But it felt so good to be moving and singing and laughing.

Tomorrow will be spent with calculus. While I have used that word with a certain amount of dread in past posts, calculus and I have become if not best friends, at least acquaintances. It occurred to me today that this whole math learning process is somewhat familiar. I remember as a child finding addition difficult, yet subtraction easy, and multiplication difficult but division easy. That's how this calculus thing is working out. The algebra classes have been difficult, but the calculus seems friendlier, once I figured out the algebra part. I keep thinking the teacher is going to spring some really complicated stuff on us, because there must be more to it, but for some reason, it isn't that bad right now. And the final is in ten days, so I am hopeful. Maybe not an A, but at least a C, which isn't too bad for a girl who wasn't born with numbers but has finally been introduced to them.

all about me part 2. please.

Tricked you, right? You thought I was going to add to my Christmas wish list.

But no. Not this post.

I just wanted to tell all of my many readers that I am feeling well. Like myself. With feelings.

I knew you'd want to know that and would be happy for me.

And, also, I wanted to say again that I really like my current masthead. Because I didn't get a rousing round of amen the last time I mentioned it. It's a great photo of a lovely view. And I'm proud of the font choice too. So that's all for now.

Well, except, can I get an amen?

all about me. please.

This is a list of some things I'd like for Christmas this year:

New tights. Any colors but white. Yellow would be good. Or pale pink. Or more black. Or green. I don't have any green tights.

A gift certificate to Heart Beads.

My video camera back in my possession.

Either a replacement shredder/slicer blade for my food processor or a new food processor that has all of its feet and blades. (I know, my cooking friends probably would never think of owning or using a food processor, but there are times when I really like having one. I can't think of any of those times right this minute, but I know they exist.)

CDs for me to listen to in my car on my long drives--Pink Floyd (The Wall) or anything by REM, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Regina Spektor, Willie Nelson, Eric Clapton, or countless other musicians that gift givers think I might enjoy.

Gift certificate from somebody who wants to help me hang pictures throughout the house.

Gift certificate from somebody who wants to make pancakes for me for breakfast. Or dinner. And wants to eat them with me.

That's good for starters.

oh--i almost forgot

I called my mom last night and waited while she told me a couple of things and then I asked her why she didn't answer when I called or return my calls for nearly two weeks.

There was no sound for 30 seconds. Which is a really, really long silence in chatting-with-my-mom time.

Then she said she was upset that I hadn't come over to hang her curtains right then because obviously I wanted to see my granddaughters more than her and I hadn't gone over the next day so she thought that meant I didn't want to talk to her so she decided that she wasn't going to talk to me again until I came over to visit.

Which, you know, makes total sense, right? Because I.CAN.READ.MINDS. Right?

I pointed out that first, I didn't come over the next day because dad told me not to. Two times he told me not to. So I didn't.

And second, there isn't a contest between whether I love her or my granddaughters most. I love them all.

But she didn't know about dad telling me not to come over. So even though it seemed to me that she didn't want to see me or talk to me, she really did and that's why she stopped answering my calls and returning my messages. And she pointed out, that the one time when she did answer her cell phone and then immediately hung it up was because she was someplace where she just couldn't take my call right then, at the doctor or something, so she answered and hung it up so I'd know she couldn't talk right then.

I'd like to be able to admit that I didn't say, what? You couldn't take my call right then? You love the doctor more than me? Your conversation with him is more important than me?

But I can't say that I didn't ask about that because I did. And she said, of course the doctor isn't more important than you. But I did say that I was just giving her a hard time. I didn't think it was a question of who mattered most to her at that moment. It just wasn't a good time for her to take my call. And if she'd been speaking to me, she could have said that and then called me back later.

So. Just typing this post is making my stomach tie itself into knots. Probably means I shouldn't publish, but I thought you might want the update.

Totally not on the subject, but I just have to say that I l.o.v.e. my current masthead.

And back on the subject--mom called this morning and left a message that she'd thought of one other thing that had her upset with me. It was when I didn't stop at her house on the way home from the recent vacation to Ephraim to clean out her cat litter boxes but instead went home with Jack and then turned around and went over with Jr. After a vacation spent trying to get clear of the antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs, just before the 2nd annual Halloween party with band and 50 or more friends of the drummer and Jr.

I apologized for being a bit short-tempered about having her tell me how to clean out a catbox (actually two catboxes) because, you know, I don't have three cats and two catboxes at my own house, and then explained that in addition to being in a very bad place emotionally and mentally that day/week/month, that I was also just a tiny bit stressed about the party that was going on at my house.

I didn't mention that the stress might have been because I wanted to be at the party instead of cleaning out catboxes RIGHT THAT MINUTE, but I did tell her that I was probably cranky because I didn't like it when I felt like I didn't have a choice about dropping everything to go do what she wanted right that minute.

And she said that she didn't expect me to drop everything and go do what she wanted right that minute--anytime in the next hour would have been okay.

I have a therapy session tomorrow. Carolyn better be totally proud of me.