Sunday, March 1, 2015

a couple of things

I've been thinking lately about things I want.

I want to be genuine.  More real.  More true to me and to others.  More mindful.

So there's that.


And there's the new remodeling project we've embarked on.  I'm sure Jack swore--swore--during and after the last project that we were never doing another remodeling job again.  EVER.  And I thought he was serious.  I understood his seriousness.  It was a deep, wide level of seriousness.  That new floors/new fireplace/new closets project turned out to be a huge project and it turned out that we are not as young as we used to be, so it seemed that huge project would kill us.  Dead.

I thought we were done with remodeling for a long, long time.  Maybe forever.

But look at us now.  We have taken out the downstairs bathroom, the laundry area, and done some plumbing that included jackhammering out concrete so the plumber could put in lines for another bathroom downstairs.  The storage room that became part of Jack's shop just a few years ago will now be part of a new bathroom for Jr.  And this remodel of the old bathroom and installation of a new bathroom are just the beginning of this new project.  This newer, bigger, more comprehensive, all inclusive basement redo.

And while we knew this would be another big project, we didn't foresee the termites or mold behind the walls.  Because, who ever does expect to find these things?

But we will press on.  We will make lists and prioritize and push forward until this project is complete too.  It is all for a good purpose.


And then there is Stu and his liver.  Have I mentioned that autoimmune diseases may return and begin the damage to a newly transplanted liver that will lead inevitably to another liver transplant?

Somehow, I missed that point in the list of stuff that can happen after an organ transplant.  So, it looks like we are back on the liver disease highway--and by we, I mean, obviously Stu, but also his wife and kids and other family members who fret and worry and hope for the best.  I thought we were done with liver disease for a long, long time.  Maybe forever.

And while I cannot say forcefully enough how much I HATE this highway, I am trying to be mindful and calm and to seek some perspective other than that of anger and frustration and fear and worry.

To that end, I want to write to remind myself how grateful I am for kids who look out for their siblings.  Chronic illness has a way of distilling everything into what really matters and what really doesn't.  And if I ever worried about whether or not my kids would care for each other and show compassion and empathy towards each other, I didn't need to worry.  They are supportive troopers, and I feel deep, calming joy seeing their adult sibling relationships.

This health business can really suck.  But seeing my kids together, caring for each other, is a gift.

1 comment:

Lisa B. said...

I love this post, and I love you. Thinking of you.