Monday, February 21, 2011

do not want to write this post

these photos are from this site.

My worst nightmare is coming true. Okay, maybe not my worst. Really not even close to my worst.

But one that I always hoped would never happen in real life.

You know how sometimes you have to let go and let the ones you love do the things they need to do? Even if you can hear the sound of breaking heart shattering so loud that you might go deaf?

And even though you are trying your very best to keep it together, sometimes you just plain can't and so you simply have to give up and have a good cry and then blow your nose and wipe your face and try again to keep it together?

There was a time, five years ago, when I didn't want to live. I couldn't see any light or feel any joy and I did a herculean job of keeping it to myself. And when I didn't think I cared to try living anymore, this miraculous thing happened.

I met this girl.

She was much younger than in this picture when I met her. From the moment I first saw her, I was in love. And amazingly, she was just the first of many I would fall head over heels in love with.

And even in my darkest times, after I met her, when I could find nothing to hold on to, no reason to set aside the plans to leave living, if I could just remember her face, think of her smile, hold onto the scent and sound of her, I could decide to stay alive. Often it was like I was looking through a tunnel and her face was the light at the end that I kept going towards.

I am trying so hard to be happy for the family that will begin its new adventure together in a wonderful new place. I know they will be fine. I love them all so very much. These girls will be successful because they have an amazing mom and a kind dad.

But oh, how I will miss them.

1 comment:

Johanna said...

So it's settled then? When? Where?

I'm so sorry.