Friday, May 10, 2013

the beauty is back

For a while now, I've been feeling blank.  There have been moments of joy, spots of pain, and lots of intense feelings last week, but mostly, day-to-day, more of that, I-don't-even-want-to-get-out-of-bed-today mornings.

But being the responsible adult I am, I get up, shower and dress (usually) and head off to work.  I'd started to wonder if the depression was back for good.  But today, while talking to Jack in the study, I looked out the window and saw this:

Something about the light and colors and textures touched me and I realized the blank may be fading and the beauty is back. 

This is good.  So I grabbed my camera and headed out back where I found these:

Yesterday I read this, which might be a bit long and a tiny bit over the top for some (remember it's hyperbole and a half, right?), but it pretty much sums up what depression is like for me.  It isn't anybody's fault and it isn't something I can just fix.  Sometimes it's around for a while before I even recognize it, but I always know when it is lifting and I felt that lightness this morning, even with a cold that started mildly enough and exploded into full-blown viral misery last night and a trip to the dentist this morning to drill and fill a cavity.  The fog is burning off and the clouds are fluffy little bits.

I can once again see the beauty and I'm so grateful for that.

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