guess what i've been learning about?

You may have figured out that I don't like confrontation. It could be said that I've been known to do just about anything to avoid contention. Or at least that has been my typical, fall-back position until the past few years, when I woke up and started participating in relationships and conversations and all of that real-life stuff. Man can that be painful. Or joyful. Or anything in between.

I don't remember if I've mentioned that my boss thought it would be a good idea for me to attend classes that would help me gain a better understanding of the contracting world. So far, I've been to a class on basic contracts, government contract law, and now the class I'm attending related to negotiation. In particular, successful negotiation strategies.

Hm.

Are you seeing where this is going?

I did not even see it coming.

The class I'm attending this week is not specifically related to government contracts. It is about determining each participant's personal fall-back position, whether he or she is in a comfortable place or in a confrontational place. We've worked as teams--a buyer and a seller--trying to negotiate the best deals we can, and we've had a lot of lecture time regarding different tactics and styles and steps to successfully close a deal.

Perhaps it won't surprise you to learn that I am a nurturing cautious. But if neither of those work, I just might explode.

Uh. I can already feel my kids nodding their heads in agreement.

The amazing part of this class is that the teacher isn't saying everybody needs to become a power or a nurturer or an analytical or a cautious. The point of the class is to help each participant recognize his or her own strengths and areas of weakness and learn to recognize the same thing in other people with whom we might be negotiating. So we can avoid or resolve conflict.

Is this a great idea or what? I don't care if I ever negotiate a deal at work or not. This stuff has been such an eye opener for me personally that it has been worth the long, extremely bumpy flight, the rough landing, (note: the pilot announced we would be landing in 30 minutes and there was a lot of wind, so tighten up the seat belts and hold on to the kids. this is the first and only time I've thought I might actually barf on a plane. took me two hours on the ground to recover.). It's been worth the time away from Jack and JoJo and the boys and married kids and grandbabies and cats, the cool, rainy, windy Florida weather, the steady diet of junk food and restaurant food, and the additional hours of work that still need to be completed when I'm out of the office.

Once again, I'm astounded that I've lived this long and never knew this stuff. Did you know there is a term for the tactic taken by those people in your life who dismiss what you think or say or feel or perhaps tell you how you are thinking or feeling and are totally off target (bulldozing)? Did you know that salesmen actually expect you to negotiate the price/other stuff when you buy a car or a house or numerous other things? And not just in Tijuanna! (Which is, by the way, possibly the only place that I've ever bartered, and boy did I get a great deal on a leather coat for Jack.) (Unless you count yard sailing, but I don't really count that.)

I can hardly wait to go tell Carolyn about all of this. Since she's the therapist, she probably already knows about it all, but think of the progress I could make now that I have some of the answers that she has been refusing to give me. (She's so about me doing the work.)

This could be the start of something big. You know, in some ways, I am so naive.