the most amazing dream

a couple of nights ago, i had the most amazing dream. it was so chaotic and then so totally, completely calming. i must write about it so i never forget the feelings it aroused.

my dream started with the usual chaos--people coming and going, including my three boy cousin brothers dashing around, blahblahblahing and slamming into and way too close to my personal space. it was very uncomfortable. i was at my gramma's house from my childhood and then at my old house, and then at my parent's house. jessie's childhood friend, jamie, showed up, on rollerblades with her long blond hair in a ponytail. she skated up and said hi and asked me how i was doing and told me she has two adorable kids and skated off. at some point i realized i was going to clear up my gramma's dishes (which looked exactly like the dirty dishes i'd left in my sink before bed), so i washed the dishes and set them on a towel on the counter to dry. and all of the time, people were rushing past, so fast that they were blurry streaks of color. and there was so much muddled, unidentifiable white noise. then i suddenly remembered my gramma was sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting for me to come sit with her. as i walked towards her, i saw a scale that said she weighed 99 lbs and i noticed how thin she had become, hardly more than skin and bones really. i sat down on the bed next to her (in the same way i used to sit next to her when she lived with us) and she reached out and took my hand and i covered her hand with my other hand and she patted the top of my hand. it was so real that i could feel the soft, fragile skin on the back of her hand and i could see the little age spots and i could feel her hand patting the top of my hand. i felt the same calming comfort that i felt when she patted my hands when she was alive. she told me i needed to settle myself, to rid myself of the desire in me to meet the needs of everyone around me. and as she patted my hands, the chaos settled, the white noise dimmed into nothingness, and time slowed to a sweet, manageable pace. the colors calmed into white haze and it was just gramma and me, peacefully caring for each other.

of all of the chaotic, crazy dreams i've had in the past few years, this is one that i will remember always--i'll go there to take a break whenever i need to. or whenever i want to.