remember that one time

There may be some people who would argue this, but I try really really hard to be nice. I try to see the other guy's side. Waaay more than I should. Therapy may or may not fix this flaw in me.

But every now and then, I go along with the crowd, or maybe even lead the way, and do something mean or thoughtless to somebody else. And someplace along that way, I realize that whatever I'm doing is mean or thoughtless and I want so much to hit the life rewind button and stop this whole mess before it ever begins.

But obviously, I cannot find the rewind button.

Like the time in sixth grade when one of the girls in my class had a little notebook that she kept writing down stuff in and somehow the rest of us girls got the idea that she was writing stuff about all of us in the notebook. So we got mad at her. All fifteen of us mad at that one little girl. (She was very short.) I still feel bad about that mess. She and I remained friends all through school, we sat next to each other in band. But still.

And there was the time a bunch of us girls went to visit a boy who was interested in two of us at the same time. We walked to his house, rang the bell, chatted up his mom (I think), and convinced him to come outside to talk to us. And then, this is the embarrassing part, we gradually encircled him. Can you even imagine being a ninth grade boy, standing in the middle of a circle of ninth grade girls that were staring you down and intimidating you? Yikes.

And then there was that one time yesterday when, well, can I just say that I did something stupid and I so wish I hadn't done it? It's so fresh and painful and unbelievably not like me and I will never-never-never do anything like it again.

I am so human. And for as much as I say, I can be a very poor communicator.