sleeping pills and baby love

1. I need to stop commenting on the blogs of friends after 10:00 pm and after I've taken the ambien. Getting a good night's sleep is critical for me right now, so I take one of the amazing little white generic pills and doze off as soon as I snuggle down into my bedding. However, one of the side effects of ambien is, uh, what's the word that means you can't remember? Uh. Oh, that's right, amnesia. Seriously. Most of the time, I take my pill and head immediately to bed. Apparently though, sometimes I sit in my chair with my computer up and running and read blogs. And sometimes I comment. Or write on my own blog. But I don't remember doing that the next day. I was surprised just tonight to realize I'd commented on the blog of a friend. With typos and incoherent thoughts. So sorry. I will make a resolution here and now to close the compy after 9:00 pm.

2. Last night it happened again. Not the amnesia. Okay, well, yes, that happened, but I'm talking about earlier in the evening. Jack and I went to Jessie's last night so he could help her with some home repairs. Jessie held Cailin until she fell asleep and then handed her over to me, insisting I could put her in her crib anytime. But I didn't want to. I sat on the couch, holding that miraculous creature, smelling her baby scent, gazing at her soft skin and red hair, listening to her softly breathing, imprinting in my heart and mind everything that is Cailin. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought of the blessing of watching her grow and become herself and I was overcome by the love I feel for her. I have had that same experience with each of the wee darlings but I am astounded each time by the depth of my emotions for someone so tiny who is not a part of me but truly is a huge part of me.