oh--i almost forgot

I called my mom last night and waited while she told me a couple of things and then I asked her why she didn't answer when I called or return my calls for nearly two weeks.

There was no sound for 30 seconds. Which is a really, really long silence in chatting-with-my-mom time.

Then she said she was upset that I hadn't come over to hang her curtains right then because obviously I wanted to see my granddaughters more than her and I hadn't gone over the next day so she thought that meant I didn't want to talk to her so she decided that she wasn't going to talk to me again until I came over to visit.

Which, you know, makes total sense, right? Because I.CAN.READ.MINDS. Right?

I pointed out that first, I didn't come over the next day because dad told me not to. Two times he told me not to. So I didn't.

And second, there isn't a contest between whether I love her or my granddaughters most. I love them all.

But she didn't know about dad telling me not to come over. So even though it seemed to me that she didn't want to see me or talk to me, she really did and that's why she stopped answering my calls and returning my messages. And she pointed out, that the one time when she did answer her cell phone and then immediately hung it up was because she was someplace where she just couldn't take my call right then, at the doctor or something, so she answered and hung it up so I'd know she couldn't talk right then.

I'd like to be able to admit that I didn't say, what? You couldn't take my call right then? You love the doctor more than me? Your conversation with him is more important than me?

But I can't say that I didn't ask about that because I did. And she said, of course the doctor isn't more important than you. But I did say that I was just giving her a hard time. I didn't think it was a question of who mattered most to her at that moment. It just wasn't a good time for her to take my call. And if she'd been speaking to me, she could have said that and then called me back later.

So. Just typing this post is making my stomach tie itself into knots. Probably means I shouldn't publish, but I thought you might want the update.

Totally not on the subject, but I just have to say that I l.o.v.e. my current masthead.

And back on the subject--mom called this morning and left a message that she'd thought of one other thing that had her upset with me. It was when I didn't stop at her house on the way home from the recent vacation to Ephraim to clean out her cat litter boxes but instead went home with Jack and then turned around and went over with Jr. After a vacation spent trying to get clear of the antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs, just before the 2nd annual Halloween party with band and 50 or more friends of the drummer and Jr.

I apologized for being a bit short-tempered about having her tell me how to clean out a catbox (actually two catboxes) because, you know, I don't have three cats and two catboxes at my own house, and then explained that in addition to being in a very bad place emotionally and mentally that day/week/month, that I was also just a tiny bit stressed about the party that was going on at my house.

I didn't mention that the stress might have been because I wanted to be at the party instead of cleaning out catboxes RIGHT THAT MINUTE, but I did tell her that I was probably cranky because I didn't like it when I felt like I didn't have a choice about dropping everything to go do what she wanted right that minute.

And she said that she didn't expect me to drop everything and go do what she wanted right that minute--anytime in the next hour would have been okay.

I have a therapy session tomorrow. Carolyn better be totally proud of me.