and then after this morning

i had all kinds of things in mind to post about today.

i thought about the possible reason why the opwo didn't appreciate my clothing style for the past eight or nine months or so.

i thought about the great time that sugar and i had together this morning, yard sailing and eating orange rolls and chocolate chip cookies, talking and laughing really hard and loud.

i thought about some of the recent grandbaby tales and the continuing story of the old girl, ginger.

i thought about how much i love the way i feel on the new anti-depressant and about the only obvious side effect i've observed, which is flatulence.

i have photos i shot of some amazing flowers and something else that i can't remember right now.

i thought about my journey to the greenhouse with jr today and the plants we purchased and our plans for dividing and replanting and newly planting colors and shapes in the gardens.

and then, my mom called. rather, jack called to tell me that my mom had called and wanted to talk to me. he said that my aunt judy died this morning. while that might seem innocuous enough to most people, it was, for some reason, very upsetting to me.

likely the reason for my distress has something to do with the part that my uncle lee and aunt judy played in the last year of my gramma's life. i guess that most of you readers are fully aware of the saga of gramma, lee, and judy. and while i tell myself regularly that the story of those three is in the past and over and done with and i can't change anything about it, as i sit here typing this post, i am astounded at how upsettingly anxious i feel.

the anxiety will most likely continue for a couple of weeks, until the memorial is over and i can somehow put this all aside again. as time goes by, i experience fewer and fewer painful memories and events, but life seems to be all about the surprises and more often than i like, something bubbles up again to stir up the pot.

it's a full boil right now.