only a week? seriously?

Because I haven't posted a list for, oh, what, a day(?), today, I will give you, dear reader, a list with massive word quantities.

1. BFF project--possible progress this morning, but maybe not, you be the judge. This morning when I turned on the bathroom light, all three cats were in the bathroom. Not hiding out in the basement. Not becoming feral cats from lack of human contact. In my bathroom.

Millie was sitting next to the door on the cat condo (my mom dropped it off at the house a few months ago. She was out shopping--gasp! shocking I know--and she saw it and just knew my cats would love it. It has come in handy to help Little Weez jump onto the bathroom counter which is the only place I can keep the cat food dishes so that JoJo can't reach them and eat the food or chew up the dishes.)

Anyway.

Millie was sitting on the condo. Oscar was sitting on the counter, near the edge, guarding Weezie. And Weez was posing in the corner near the mirror, sitting upright with her tail wrapped tightly around her, eyes squeezed tightly shut, because when Weez closes her eyes, no one can see her.

Because JoJo has to be by my side at nearly all times, she was right behind me when I turned on the bathroom light. All five of us blinked rapidly while our eyes adjusted to the bright bathroom light, which gave me a couple of seconds to block JoJo and soothe the cats. Oscar started his usual nonstop morning chatting (he's part-siamese and is quite the conversationalist). Millie noticed Jo and began her usual growly warning, which always forces JoJo to lower her front legs, put her butt up in the air, wag her tail furiously, and stretch out her neck, while snapping her jaws in some sort of air biting motion directed towards Oscar, who, in the couple of seconds that have passed, has jumped to the floor and is in the direct line of fire of JoJo's monstrously strong, yet extremely clumsy, front paws. JoJo stretches one way, then the other, back and forth, just begging Oscar to take a swipe at her so she can feel justified by swiping back at him, all the while snapping, snapping, snapping, yet still smiling and wagging.

In the less than 15 seconds that has passed, Millie begins hissing and growling, which is yet another clue to JoJo that it is game on, with no refs, no time outs, no sissies.

It is at this point that I do my best imitation of some kind of graceful, amazingly sleek panther-like animal by slipping gracefully between JoJo and Oscar, using my powerful legs to move her back out of the bathroom, deftly closing the door behind her. The growling and hissing ceases, Oscar leaps back up on the counter, and Weez magically appears when she opens her eyes.

I put a scoop of food in each bowl, and Oscar, always the one with the right words for every moment, begins his loud, deep, rich purr.

2. The Christmas Project--I'd like to report that since Christmas is just a week away, massive quantities, huge amounts, amazing heaps of Christmas effort have occurred, but, well, that would be a total lie. However, I can report three things. First, I got another email from Kohls.com and all but five of the 40 items on my order will be delivered by December 22. We can all breathe again. Second, all of the presents in my house have been wrapped and placed under the tree--did I already report that? Still. It is done. And third, I have a list. Stop laughing. This is a serious, concise list of all things to be accomplished this weekend, and by golly, it is demanding that it be taken seriously or perhaps I am demanding that someone take it seriously. Or something. It's a serious list. It will not be ignored. Seriously.

3. Last item of note--Audrey came by tonight. Okay, I picked her up on the way home from work and we spent several hours together.

She delighted in throwing a tennis ball for JoJo, who has learned to wait for the ball to leave Audrey's hand before snatching it out of the air. Audrey tossed the ball onto my bed, into the bathtub, directly into JoJo's mouth and then squealed and screamed as she ran, maniacally, full speed, back to my arms, somehow avoiding the door jamb, the toys on the floor, and JoJo.

Audrey eventually decided she wanted to be in the tub with the Little Mermaid princess doll and Flounder, the fish, and said as much as she began pulling off her clothes. So we turned on the water and she hopped in. Of course, that is about the time the doorbell rang, signalling a visit from my mom who had been shopping for JoJo for Christmas. Mom had bought two new chewtoys that both had squeakers in them, which JoJo immediately removed. Mom opened the bathroom door to tell Audrey goodbye, which is when JoJo entered the room and dropped her new toys into the tub, causing Audrey to let out another squeal. Mom suggested to Audrey, who was pouring water from a measuring cup into the tub, that maybe she should pour some water on JoJo's nose. Audrey waited until I walked my mom to the front door to attempt to pour water onto JoJo, but apparently forgot all about Jo when she realized how much more fun it is to watch the water run over the edge of the tub onto the tile floor.

After sopping up the water with three of those big towel sheets, I suggested to Audrey that she pour the water onto the soap dish that's mounted on the inside shower wall. As I lugged the three towels to the laundry room, I heard Audrey holler that she needed to twinkle, Twinkle, TWINKLE, TWINK-KLE. I got back to the tub just in time to lift her out, wrap her in a towel, sit her on the toilet, and praise her gloriously for using Gramma's potty.

After the bath and the potty and the lotioning and jammie dressing, we decided to go downstairs to the playroom and that's when Audrey found first one puzzle, then another puzzle, and finally a third puzzle that we solved together.

The third puzzle was an I Spy puzzle that has the same pictures as one of our little I Spy board books, and can I just boast that I spent the evening with one of the brightest, most entertaining, fun-loving little girls ever born?