just two more

1. Update on the bread. Turns out you can't make multi-grain bread or multi-grain/fruit bread on the express setting of the bread mixer/baker unless you like tiny little dense loaves that are almost gooey in the middle because a) the yeast was too old, or b) stupid, the instructions say that the express setting is only for white bread. Yeah, those two adorable little loaves. Were not supposed to be so little. And even though the vast majority of people would have tossed them and started again, they were so cute that Jack and I had to eat them anyway. We can hardly wait until the next batch (which won't be made until we eat the remainder of the loaf and a half of Orogrow or Orowheat or whatever the heck that storebought bread is called that we bought earlier this week before we got our panties all twisted over the thought of homemade bread) (and by our panties I mean my panties). Oh, we also went back to the flour store and bought more bread flour and more fruits--dried cherries, apricots, and blueberries because how can you go wrong with fruit in your bread--keeping in mind that figs and dates are not fruits, they're something else that is not edible? Then we stopped at Walmart to buy some containers to keep all of our new little bags of flours in because we don't want anybody or anything thinking those flours would be a good place to live. If you know what I mean. So now the cost of our two tiny loaves (and their future siblings) has climbed to $80. But they are and will be so worth it.

2. On a different note (what does that mean anyway?), I visited the doc today. A couple of weeks ago, I saw him to talk meds--mostly that the stuff I was taking didn't seem to be working because after over a year and a half, I still had nearly constant thoughts of offing myself and I felt as though I was walking around, seeing the world, even sleeping in a fog. Not just any fog, mind you, a dark, sad fog. Apparently that means your anti-depressant isn't working. He gave me a new medication that also has an anti-anxiety component to it. Can I just say, Hallaleuya? Well, I can say it but apparently I can't spell it. But you know what I mean. After just 3 1/2 weeks, the difference is astounding. I recognize that a couple of recent therapy sessions have been veryveryveryvery helpful, really helpful, but the combination of the new drugs and the therapy has lifted my mood immensely. Okay, just to be clear, let me cite an example that obviously shows the difference in my mood. A couple of years ago, I bought two adorable purses. I don't even remember what the first one looked like, although I carried it on my shoulder for almost a year. But the other purse is a red leather (okay, faux leather--why buy expensive purses when there are so many cute cheap ones that you could never own them all?) so it's red and it has a braided handbaggy handle and its about the size and shape of a small wienerdog that is sleeping kind of curved around itself. It was a big adjustment going from the black, small suitcase-size bag I've been carrying around, but there is the clue about how much better I feel. I've had that red bag sitting in my closet in open sight for a long time and I haven't even had it in me to scale down the stuff I was hauling around in the suitcase into that great little bag. Do you see? I feel better! (yes, that feeling does deserve a ! or even !!) That is when I knew the new medication was working. The day that I got out that red bag and started using it.