Sunday, July 13, 2008

news flash from the gardens

Since I have been unable to find a way to get the magpies in my gardens to eat the snails, or the snails in my gardens to eat the morning glory, I thought I would post the secret to growing more snails than you ever thought possible (I know, the logic of that sentence makes your head spin, but that's what you get from a couple of hours in the sun). These are the four easy steps:

1. Plant strawberries next to a brick wall and make sure they get regular watering.

Hm. Seems that there is only one step. If you plant something other than strawberries, there is a chance that you may grow snails. But in my gardens, strawberries are snails' favorite food and if you have strawberries, you will have snails in all sizes, and they will even attempt to become your best friend by refusing to release their slimy selves from your glove when you grab a handful of them that you found under the berries.

One day before he left for the summer, the drummer and I were in the gardens and I spotted a huge snail and told drummer to toss it into the road, which would crack its shell and kill it quickly. Then the heat of the road or the cars driving by would kill any snail eggs. Drummer told me he had this theory that after we die, we will be called on to explain why we killed all of the things we killed in our lives. He will be happy to know that I no longer toss the snails into the road. Now I gently place them into the bag of weeds or strawberry plants that I'm removing from the gardens and set the bag carefully into the garbage can. That way, the snails have a nice meal to snack on until they reach the landfill (or get crushed in the garbage can).

Seriously, people really eat those things--well obviously people eat strawberries, but snails? Now that I think about it, how could I have the only gardens with strawberry-lovin' snails? AAAAAAAArrrgggg

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