Wednesday, November 5, 2008

another no capital letters day

today i have no capital letters, not much focus, but enough lortab to get by.

jack's esophagus was scoped early this morning (and by early, i mean earlier than i can remember right now) because some of his stomach cells have set up camp in the bottom of his throat (and yes, cells that move to a place other than their usual body location can get a wild hair and begin multiplying in what can only be described as, well, cancer.) the doc said nothing looked too different from the last scope, but he biopsied the area and will get back to us, and jack will see him again in a couple of years. all good again for now.

then jack and i went home and ate breakfast--him: frosted flakes; me: cocoa dynobytes because how can you not go for a cereal that is chocolate and dyno--and then he went to bed and slept for hours. and since it was quiet snowy outside and quiet cozy inside, i fell asleep in the tv room, with the tv off, and slept for slightly fewer hours than jack. lovely, delicious, much-needed, enjoyed and deserved naps.

later, i went to the mouth-torturing, yet very nice young man commonly known as a periodontist, so he could move some mouthroof tissue to the lower front of my mouth in hopes that it will grow into gum tissue (which may sound a lot like jack's stomach cell journey, but apparently mouth tissue is mouth tissue, thus not cancer). the doc had the novocaine and some pre-novocaine topical gel that he described as a pina colada (defined by merriam webster as 'a tall drink made of rum, cream of coconut, and pineapple juice mixed with ice', but this dental version had no rum so we could really say it was coconut-scented gum numbing gel). additionally, he had the nitrous oxide gas. i love the gas--perhaps love is too strong a word--but if not love, then certainly enjoy, deserve, and appreciate the feeling i get from the gas (commonly referred to as 'laughing gas' because i am so funny when the dentist hooks me up with it or to it, if you prefer).

as someone who worked in an orthodontal office, you'd think i would have remembered that when someone has their hands and sharp tools in your mouth, scraping on the roots of your teeth, you are going to have some of what the docs refer to as discomfort, because they can't feel a thing, but there is no such thing. if i'm the one feeling the 'discomfort', i call it pain. and there is the one drawback to the gas. the gas and i tend to lose focus and the ability to remember anything of any value. so when the doc asked if i could feel him scraping on my roots, i said, with his hands in my mouth, that 't ddiiidn't hoot a 'it.

the grafting wasn't a big deal, at least during the procedure--using the gel and novocaine, scraping the roots, making a flap in the roof of my mouth, removing the graft tissue, stitching the flap closed, setting the graft in place, stitching the graft in place. when i left the office, i felt pretty good. even when i stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the mouth rinse and lortab, i felt pretty good. until i spent seventeen hours waiting for the prescriptions. okay, maybe it was only two hours. or maybe half an hour. but it seemed like days because the novocaine was wearing off and the gas was long gone. partway through the wait, i bought a cold diet coke, swallowed a couple of aleve, collapsed on the floor, all the while maintaining my place in the prescription pick-up line, and then held the bottle against my jaw because it was comfortingly cold. when i finally got the prescription of lortab, i used my last ounce of strength and sprinted to my car, busted open the door and settled into the driver's seat, where i ripped open the prescription bag and lortab bottle and swallowed one, like some kind of addict. or something like that.

that was two hours, a diet coke, an icebag, some reheated chicken parm, and a frozen fruit bar ago, and can i just say that i will survive this procedure, thank you, jack, and yes, lortab is my best friend in the friendship circle of drugs?


Stu said...

Friendship circle of drugs is an excellent tag... for any story I think.

You didn't tell me you were also going in for "stuff". Hope get feeling better soon.

Lisa B. said...

Ooooooooooooooooh. Is how I feel after reading this story, which sounds awful with a capital AW. I hope you and the lortab remain cozy until things get better. Nap away, my friend. Nap away.